Why the “C-word” offends me.

* Warning: This post is emotionally charged and contains multiple f-bombs (’cause you know, colic does that to you). Reading this will put you at risk of being highly offended …or highly enlightened. * 

No, no, not THAT “c-word.” The OTHER one: Colic. Oh that damn, heart-wrenching, emotionally-charged, makes-my-palms-sweat “c-word.” I wrote about my personal adventures with colic while I was going through it with Kai. Now someone I know is going through it with her newborn and I’m finding that it’s making those heart-thudding emotions bubble up inside me again as she looks for answers. Because other than the advice I’m giving her, all the other advice she’s getting is the kind that made me want to scream when I was looking for answers and advice. And I’m sorry to say this to all those well-intentioned people who offer it up (truly, I know you’re lovely, wise people and I deeply apologize for the following) but the advice I HATE the most…no, no “hate” is not a strong enough word…let’s use LOATHE and DETEST, yes, that’s better. The advice I LOATHE and DETEST the most is the advice that says it’s the mother’s diet. Now before you close this window because I’ve offended you, let me concede to the fact that I know SOME colic causes are due to the sensitivity of a baby’s tummy. I, too, have heard the stories of how colic all but stops when the Mama gives up fucking gluten and fucking dairy (sorry for the f-words, I can’t help it. I told you this was emotionally charged for me and I just have to throw down some f-bombs to make myself feel better).  But that wasn’t MY answer when I was going through colic. And yet every website I perused while desperately searching for a solution all pointed to the fact that it’s the Mama’s fault. Because isn’t that what we’re REALLY saying when we say it’s her diet? We’re really saying “Mama, it’s something YOU’RE doing that’s causing YOUR baby this discomfort. And if you’d JUST STOP doing it, then your baby will be better.”

Is it irrational that I feel this way? Maybe.

But you know what? I LOVE my fucking dairy! I LOVE my fucking gluten! I had an eating disorder when I was a teen-ager, I ate all the “right” food when I was a personal trainer including all that low-carb crap. I’m DONE depriving myself of ANYTHING. I’m DONE feeling GUILT about any kind of fucking food. When Kai was crying non-stop I knew it was for a reason and I knew he was telling me something…but I REFUSED to believe that his crying was a way of saying to me “Mama, I came all this way to tell you that you should really give up dairy.” To me, it just seemed ridiculous. Now, I admit that I DID give up fucking dairy and fucking gluten for a couple of days because I WAS that desperate to make the crying stop…but it didn’t change anything other than make me more cranky than I already was. Not only did I have a baby with colic but I had to give up my favorite fucking foods. (I’ve always said that bread and cheese are my power foods. I believe Kai knew that coming in.) The advice-givers told me I didn’t give up the food long enough to make any difference. Fuck you, food police. (Geesh, I’m so sorry. Taking a deep breath…)

The point I really want to make with this post…is that I’m VERY FRUSTRATED to see that the ONLY causes or solutions to colic that are offered up address the physical: “it’s gas, it’s food sensitivity, it’s reflux.” What if it’s NOT? What if it’s ENERGETIC or EMOTIONAL? Are you telling me babies can only cry because of PHYSICAL reasons? They’re just so little and new that the ONLY thing they have to cry about are their new bodies? Are we really STILL THAT SHORT-SIGHTED?

One of the reasons colic was so difficult for me was because there were no answers or advice out there that made sense to me. None of it resonated. None of it. And since I couldn’t find my answers “out there”, I did the only thing I could. I looked within. I asked my heart AND my baby for the reasons behind the crying. And in the stillness and the silence, I found my answers. The answers that made sense. The answers that resonated. And the answers that made the difference. And they had nothing to do with gas, food sensitivity or reflux…Kai’s colic had much bigger reasons. You may not believe the reasons if I told you but it doesn’t matter. When I found my own answers, I felt empowered. I got my family back. I stopped falling apart and instead came together WISER and STRONGER. When I found my own answers I had a game plan and I knew how to handle the constant screaming. Instead of feeling alienated by my crying baby, I felt more BONDED TO HIM THAN EVER. I felt such strong LOVE, AWE, GRATEFULNESS, and HONOR to be in this baby’s presence. If you’ve ever experienced colic, you know how powerful it is to be able to say that.

Are you wondering about the reasons of Kai’s colic and about the answers I found? That’s another post. (Sorry to be a tease, but it needs it’s own story. And one with a lot less f-bombs. They wouldn’t be YOUR answers anyway.) But I will tell you what I think colic is.

Colic is a tool. It’s perhaps the most powerful tool a baby has  ~ to send us messages, to work through birth trauma, to transition into their bodies, to mourn (yes, I ABSOLUTELY believe that a newborn can mourn). Babies don’t cry for no reason and colic is a baby’s way of “shaking it off”. It’s HEALTHY and PRODUCTIVE. When a baby with colic cries, that baby is HEALING him or herself. I bet you won’t find that answer anywhere else. And if you do, send me the link/book/quote so I can energetically smother that person in hugs and kisses.

Here’s something else you can use. If your baby has colic, LET THAT BABY CRY! I don’t mean “crying it out” or leaving a baby on it’s own to deal with it. I mean, that after you’ve tried all the comforting, soothing, and shushing from all the other advice-givers and baby is still crying, hold that baby and tell her what a good job she is doing working it all out. Tell him he’s strong and brave and that he’s going to feel better soon. After a big bellow, offer up some kisses and a “That was a good one” cheer. OFFER YOUR BABY A SAFE SPACE TO CLEAR IT OUT and ALLOW it to happen! See how that changes everything ~ for YOU. And your partner, and your children AND your baby.

I believe there IS ALWAYS A REASON a baby is crying. Sometimes it may be physical. Sometimes it might be something else entirely. Acknowledging there is a reason doesn’t mean we have to KNOW the reason ~ and it doesn’t mean we have to FIX the reason. What if we just trusted babies more? What if we trusted that THEY know the reason, THEY know how to deal with it  and THEY know how to heal it…by crying. And what if we let them trust US by giving them safe arms to work through it, a loving voice to cheer them on, and the gentle promise that they’ll feel better soon.

I admit that I don’t have all the answers when it comes to colic. But I do have AN answer. An answer I couldn’t find anywhere else when I was so desperately looking. And that answer is, colic is your baby’s way of healing and it should be allowed, honored and trusted. If you and your baby are dealing with colic, maybe that’s your answer. Or maybe your baby did come all this way to tell you to give up dairy. Only YOU know. Be silent, go inside, and see what resonates. Trust yourself, trust your baby, and trust that you’ll all come out more WHOLLY beautiful on the other side. ♥

P.S. No matter what, going through colic is not easy. Please be sure to take care of yourself. My way of taking care of myself was to go for a run every other day. It was my way of “shaking it off.” As I told my hubby back then, “I either yell, cry, or go run.” Needless to say, he was very supportive of my running. My runs provided me the energy, endorphins, and endurance I needed to deal with a baby who cried all. day. long.

P.P.S. I’m also going to give you permission to ignore the advice that says colic last for 3 months. When you’re in the thick of it, it is NOT comforting to know that it will be over seven fucking weeks from now. I gave myself permission to ignore that “fact” and my baby Kai’s colic stopped after 19 days. He did cry all. day. long. so I believe he was “fast-tracking it” and perhaps got 3 months worth of crying done in 19 days. Who knows why it didn’t last that long, but I like to believe it’s because I offered a safe place of ALLOWING. Give it a try and get back to me.

P.P.P.S. If you are going through colic, I need to give you some great big hugs and lots of love. I know how difficult it is and I also know what a FANTASTIC mother you are. You are a BEAUTIFUL mother and your baby thinks so too.


A day we didn’t let colic stop us.


Colic transformed into coo’s!



Read my 4-part Series “Adventures in Colic:”

Part 1: My Worst Baby Nightmare

Part 2: When Kai is Crying

Part 3: From Weepy Mama to Wise Cheerleader

Part 4: The Calm (Baby) After the Storm

The Calm (Baby) After the Storm…(Adventures in Colic Part 4)

The day I wrote my “Wise Cheerleader: Adventures in Colic Part 3” post…Kai stopped crying. Just like that.

That was exactly a month ago and I still vividly remember watching him sleep that first calm day. He looked more in his body, definitely more settled. The change was dramatic and palpable. After two episodes of non-stop crying ~ one that lasted 10 days, and one that lasted 9 ~ he was done. And that was it.

I didn’t feel the overwhelming relief I did the first time he stopped crying (perhaps because I knew it could return). What I felt was a quiet acceptance and even a satisfied-expectation. It just felt right ~ like “of course he’s done.”

Today he is almost 11 weeks old and he’s now the happy, happy baby he “told” me he was. He’s even becoming, dare I say….easy. 

We’re in baby bliss mode and it feels absolutely scrumptious. And even though those 19 days were so, so, so hard, I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

Those 19 days taught me more about unconditional love.

They taught me SO MUCH MORE about the art of allowing.

They taught me how to listen to my baby (and how much they REALLY CAN communicate with us if we just tune in).

And most of all they showed me my strength as a Mother. The last 7 days of constant crying, even though I was exhausted, I felt empowered. And I felt strongly, STRONGLY bonded to my incredibly brave, wise, crying baby.

As a mother who used to do EVERYTHING to keep her babies from crying, I learned that sometimes the ONLY thing you can do (if you’ve already done everything else) is to ALLOW them to cry ~ and provide them warm arms and a safe environment to work it all out.

I’ll never be able to thank my Baby Kai enough for taking me on this journey with him.

He’s been a surprise since the beginning ~ and I can’t wait to see what else he has in store.

Kai, the Diamond in My Sky!

From Weepy Mama to Wise Cheerleader…(Adventures in Colic Part 3)

Seven days ago I had an epiphany ~ or a series of them to be more exact.

It all started with an incredibly HARROWING day where I cried every time Kai did ~ so much so that when I looked in the mirror my eyes were all red, puffy, and swollen. I was doing everything I could to find out WHY Kai was crying, so that I could try to help him ~ a trip to the doctor, endless internet searches, and even 2 trips to psychics! No one could tell me definitively WHY my baby was crying, therefore I didn’t know how to help him.

That harrowing day I went to bed heart-broken with my swollen eyes, not knowing how to help my crying, hurting, beautiful baby boy. I begged to my higher self  in the dark”I just want to feel GOOD without having to change Kai ~ HOW can I do that?”

Then I woke up at 1:00 am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I thought maybe I’d do more internet searches or maybe write in my journal. Instead Kai moved around restlessly in between the states of wakefulness and sleeping, so I picked him up and rocked him… and then decided to ask HIM why he was crying.

Soon what I felt coming from him were the words “Mama, I’m actually a happy baby. And I’m very healthy, as you’ve always known. This is just something I have to energetically get through ~ and once I do, I’ll be just fine. Trust me, trust me, trust me.” And as I hugged him and rocked  him I felt waves of energy coming over us and I said “I believe you, I believe you, I believe you!” It was so moving, I got teary (again).

The next day my dear friend, Marcia, came over to do some cranial-sacral-therapy on Kai. She’s so wonderful at what she does, and it was incredibly magical watching Kai allow her to do this work on him. I held the space for all of us and focused my energy on Kai. After the session (and without knowing about my conversation with my baby the night before) Marcia told me that Kai spoke to her, saying that” he’s actually a very happy and very healthy baby, that he’s working through some energy and he’ll be just fine”. I was overcome to hear these same words come from her mouth that I had intuited just a few short hours before ~ I was giddy with the validation.

Later when Kai awoke from his nap, he immediately started crying so I took him the bath. While in the bath, I heard the words “His transition was so fast, he’s having trouble coming into his physical body. But he’s fast-tracking this and it’ll be over soon. Just allow this and support him. The more you LET him cry, the faster he’ll move through this.” This really was an incredible paradigm shift. I had been spending all my time trying to distract, stifle, and stop the crying…I had NEVER thought to ALLOW it. NEVER!

More waves of energy came over me and I decided I would be Kai’s cheerleader. With this new information and perspective I KNEW how to help him ~ by ALLOWING. So, the rest of our bath I cheered him on. With each big cry I’d say something like “That was a good one!” or “You’re doing it, Kai,” or “Good for you, Baby” and OH! HOW THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING!!!!  I felt EMPOWERED!

Kai cried for an hour in the bath, and the rest of the evening he was peaceful. And so was I.

I told my family what our new strategy should be and they were eager to help. Each time Kai cried we’d gently cheer him on, while holding him and surrounding him with love. And you know what happened? I got my family back.

My husband and I felt connected again, as a team.

My children came around to see Kai, even when he was crying, to say hi to kiss him. (I thought they were staying away from Kai because of the crying, but they were staying away because of MY REACTION to his crying.)

We were laughing again.

There was peace…even amongst the crying. We had found a way to be BLISSFUL with colic ~ by ALLOWING it.

Now, I’d like to wrap this little story up in a bow and say that we lived happily ever after ~ or even that Kai stopped crying soon after. But life isn’t quite like that, is it? This was 7 days ago. My cheerleader lasted 5 days, and then took a day off yesterday.

From Monday to Wednesday Kai cried worse than he ever has, getting red marks around his eyes. I didn’t see his smile or dimples for 48 hours.

But today I’m hopeful again. Today I’m cheerleader again. And maybe that’s how it’ll be ~ a few days of grace followed by moments of tears. But today…today is a good day.