Jan 31 2014
The Magic of Miscarriage
*** This post was originally written for my Magical Monday column on CTworkingmoms.com***
Let’s be frank: miscarriages SUCK. It’s a time of lost-dreams, secret grief, confusion and guilt. Every one of us who suffers a loss questions, at least for a moment, if it was due to something we did or didn’t do. Most of us have already formed a bond and an internal relationship with the baby ~ and indeed a miscarriage feels like we are losing a most sacred and beautiful part of ourselves. We have to readjust our minds around the due dates and the dreams. And often we’re stuck with a body that still feels slightly pregnant, so we can’t even easily erase the pain of our loss. There’s NOTHING easy about miscarriages.
But….there just might be some magic behind them. Some magic that can bring us comfort and even hope during this most difficult time. There are a few things the Spirit Baby Realm want us all to know about miscarriage and here they are:
* In almost all cases of miscarriage (or abortion or stillborns) the soul that we lost WILL COME BACK TO US in a subsequent pregnancy. Of course it’s up to us to create the circumstances for that pregnancy, but if we are willing to try again, that soul that we had already bonded to WILL COME BACK. I felt this so strongly when I was pregnant with my first son, Finn. I’d had two miscarriages before and it was so obvious to me that the soul of my baby was the same energy each time. When this was confirmed for me when reading the book “Baby Catcher” by Peggy Vincent, I was overcome with joy and filled with such comfort. The babies DO come back. We can and will meet our lost babies again.
* It’s not our fault. We don’t have miscarriages because of something we ate or because of that wine we had a dinner (though I remember that on the day I miscarried for the first time I’d eaten raw sprouts on a sandwich and to this day I still won’t eat them). Even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time and we may never fully understand the reasons, the miscarriage is something we chose to experience (along with our baby) before we came to the Earth plane. Perhaps we needed the miscarriage experience to learn certain lessons or to clear karma ~ and perhaps our baby needed the experience too. Finn, at age 8, tells me matter-of-factly the reasons he went away and came back before finally staying for good. It’s no one’s fault, it’s something we and our babies agreed upon while planning out our lifetimes.
* Miscarriage can intensify prebirth communication. It was after my first miscarriage that my experiences with prebirth communication really kicked in. I believe it was due to the fact that my yearning was so strong and so raw ~ and that intense yearning opened me up to the world of signs and dreams and communication with my lost baby. I also so badly wanted to BELIEVE in the signs and dreams I was having, so I had faith that the communication I was having was indeed the real thing. That’s really all we need to experience strong prebirth communication ~ the yearning for a baby and a belief in the signs we are receiving. My beautiful first experiences with prebirth communication were such a balm to my soul and gave me such hope and comfort. The signs were a promise from my baby that he indeed would return.
* Miscarriages carry with them hidden gifts. The obvious gift I received from my miscarriages was the ability for prebirth communication. My miscarriages opened up a whole new realm for me. But there were other gifts that came with them too. Even though I’d lost grandparents and dear family pets, my miscarriages carried me to a whole new level of grief and mourning. Even though it certainly didn’t feel like a gift at the time, my miscarriages taught me how to empathize and gracefully interact with others who are grieving. Before my miscarriages, I felt so awkward and clumsy around someone who was suffering a loss and I KNOW I said or did the wrong things. Having suffered intense grief myself, I now know how to respond to grief ~ you don’t tip-toe around it, you don’t avoid certain words, and you certainly don’t ignore it. You ask if they want to talk about it (yes, we NEED to talk about our grief!) and you offer them the help of watching their kids or making them dinner (offering a specific task, I find, is a lot better than the open-ended “let me know if I can do anything for you”). Knowing what to say to someone who is grieving is a tremendous relief from the clumsy, fumbling role I used to play…and I owe it to my miscarriages. Miscarriages also make us stronger, more resilient and really make us reorganize our priorities. It may also make us (and our partners) really realize how much we DO want a baby. Yes, there are many hidden gifts.
Even though I’ve been known to tear up just talking about them years later, I don’t look at my 2 miscarriages as tragedies that define me. I look at them as life experiences that have helped shaped me into the person I am today.
Miscarriages will never be easy, but if we can eliminate the guilt and confusion around them while knowing that our babies are still close to us, wanting to communicate AND wanting to return…well, that does feel like a little bit of magic, doesn’t it? ♥
For more info check out the “Miscarriage” page.
Jan 31, 2014 @ 12:52:16
This was wonderful to read, Kate. I had a miscarriage ( blighted ovum) last month and as you know this is second bad pregnancy. I know it is my MTHFR and I am now on a huge health kick. We are trying again this summer. I feel so strongly this spirit baby is trying to come to me but I have to make my body well enough to nourish him/her. Anyway, these words are just what I needed!
Jan 31, 2014 @ 14:00:57
So glad to provide you some comfort, Dear Sister. Such important spiritual experiences you are having and I continue to be inspired with how you are navigating them from a higher view. Beautiful. ♥
Jan 31, 2014 @ 14:17:03
Sounds true. While we haven’t had direct conversations like you describe, I suspect that one of my children is the one whom I miscarried in my first pregnancy.
Jan 31, 2014 @ 14:38:25
I’m absolutely sure you’re right, Dear Sister. ♥
What ALL Spirit Babies Want Their Mamas to Know
Apr 11, 2014 @ 17:58:19
[…] If you have had a miscarriage (or even an abortion or still-born) it is MOST LIKELY that the soul of that baby will return in a […]
Nov 03, 2014 @ 16:49:57
What if spirit babies don’t come back to you in the form of an actual child. Can they appear to you in person? My first pregnancy was miscarriage and i didnt know the gender but a lil girl has appeared twice and has responded to the name “Katelynn”. She would’ve been Katelynn Sierra if she was a girl . that’s what I has picked out.
Jan 23, 2016 @ 23:11:40
Thank you so much, honestly thank you. I just had a missed miscarriage yesterday, our third pregnancy and first miscarriage. It was a surprise pregnancy, but we wanted it so badly once we knew. I’m beside myself with grief, I wanted this little angel. Once I read what you said about their spirits returning I broke down. I pray with everything I have our little bean comes back. I had a dream of her last night, she was beautiful. Thank you for this, you’ve given me more comfort then you know.
May 16, 2017 @ 00:55:29
Thank you! My son would have been 21yrs old & my little girl 7yrs this year but I’ve always had a deep feeling in my soul that felt they came back to me..This has helped me immensely…THANK YOU!!!!
Nov 20, 2017 @ 19:39:19
Thank you for touching this subject of miscarriage, as it is difficult for most to talk about openly. I have two sons and am trying for a third so far with no luck. 3 miscarriages and one ectopic. I am currently 6 weeks along and had a dream last night of a beautiful baby girl. I pray to god and talk to my spirit baby letting her know I am ready. As you can imagine after reacurring losses it’s hard to stay positive with each one. I can’t wait to hold my future daughter in my arms one day.
Feb 27, 2018 @ 14:35:27
I’ve now had a miscarriage and a loss at ~23 weeks (a termination when the placenta showed obvious signs of failure). I think about getting pregnant again and actually having a healthy, full-term baby all the time, but I basically never have dreams about babies. Why? I can’t tell if there’s a baby around me or not. I don’t know what to look for, and I haven’t gotten those “pay attention!” moments or seen any totems as far as I can tell. Do I not want a baby as much as I think I desperately do, and that’s what keeping one away? I’m so confused.
Feb 28, 2018 @ 15:51:33
Dear Sister, There is still a spirit baby with you and you’re not doing anything to keep her away. She’s communicating to you in ways that are obvious and so natural to you, that you’re not even noticing. Finding this website, being directed to my book ~ those are the ways your baby is guiding you. The messages that you WANT to be for you ARE for you. Your baby is still around, will return, and will come back healthy. Wishing you LOVE, PEACE, and CLARITY as you prepare to bring in your baby, Dear Sister.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 12:34:36
Thank you 🙂
Feb 28, 2018 @ 16:48:25
Carrie,
I’ve felt a definite lack of communication the past few months too. This is a big change for me and I’ve wondered the same thing but I think just your desire for a baby is a sign there is a soul around you. And, as Kate said, other signs that are going unnoticed. I hope that helps. I know how hard it is to terminate. I did for medical reasons too in 2013. But I did have another perfectly healthy baby after that. I’m trying for #3 now but having my second and now trying for my third hasn’t been easy or straightforward.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 12:36:09
Hi Maryjo–you mean you felt communication before but don’t now?
Mar 01, 2018 @ 12:56:55
I had various forms of communication with first two kids, mostly in the form of dreams. I’ve had two instances of hearing a child’s voice saying, “Mommy! Mommy!” When I was waking up. The last time that happened was just before getting pregnant last summer (I miscarried at 10 weeks). After the miscarriage, the communication seemed to stop except for one dream I have had where I was told I would have a third child. I felt abandoned. I went through that horrible period of being so sad and feeling like everyone around me was getting pregnant without trying and just not feeling a spirit baby around me. Lately, despite not having the communication I’m used to, I have a very subtle feeling the baby will be coming soon. I’ve accepted that as my communication for the present time. So while you’re in this horrible period of extreme sadness and anger you may not be noticing the signs around you and that’s perfectly okay for where you are. I’ve also thought maybe there is ambivalence among spirit babies about WHO is coming. In other words, there may be more than one considering you so it’s not set in stone who is coming, or the order of who comes when. When I was pregnant with my second son I kept having dreams I was having a girl, so I think they can do switcharoos at any time. With my first so I kept dreaming he was a boy. Sorry this is so long!
Mar 01, 2018 @ 14:54:57
Interesting. I haven’t had ANY dreams of me having a normal relationship with a baby, or even about one particular baby or babies in general, except for one I had last week where I’d somehow given birth but wasn’t present for it, and I had to ask someone or some place for permission to go pick up my baby after a week or so. I don’t remember the rest, except that I never actually got to my baby. That’s it–the only baby dream I’ve had.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 14:56:31
Actually, I think I spent that whole mysterious week trying to ask for permission to pick up my baby, and finally I decided to simply tell whomever was keeping him or her that I was coming to get my baby, and that was that. But I woke up before I picked up the baby.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:14:10
Well not everyone will get communication through dreams. It’s just my thing. I tend to have psychic dreams about other non-baby subjects too. Your way of communicating is probably different so don’t feel like you should be dreaming about babies. Kate has always said your longing for a baby is always a 2 way street. I think that is proof enough you have a baby around you. What you’ve gone through is very isolating and I think there are feelings of abandonment that may translate into you feeling abandoned by this baby. Your dream sounds to me like you’ve subconsciously decided you are definitely having a baby and that’s that. I think your baby guided you to Kate. And I know they just because you’ve lost two pregnancies it does not mean you won’t have a heathy baby. I know plenty of women who had one or two miscarriages or other complications and went on to have one, two or three kids. This is just a life journey you’re on.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:16:40
Thank you for your insight! I sure hope I have a healthy baby on the way and SOON, not in like 3 years or some BS. I’m 40 in May!!!
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:23:18
I’m 40 too and I had breast cancer when my first son was 19 months old. I had chemo, etc. We froze embryos at Yale but I got pregnant with my second son and I’m not in menopause from the chemo. My hormones are perfect! I feel so lucky. I think popular thought that 40 is too old to have a baby is ridiculous. Don’t let anyone tell you, well you’re 40 so it will be harder. You will have a baby and he or she will be perfectly healthy. One thing to get tested for is MTHFR. It’s s common genetic blip but can cause pregnancy complications. I have it and found out from my naturopath. You just take a methylated folate . Stay away from folic acid. It may be something easy to do before trying to get pregnant again! Easy blood test.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:32:33
I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer, and all you went through. Yes, I do have the MTHFR mutation (inherited from both parents), and started on 1000 mcg methylated folate daily last month. I just had an HSG and immediately did a medicated (clomid) IUI cycle right after that, but no luck–didn’t pregnant. Soon, I hope.
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:39:21
Good I’m glad you know! I take Designs for Health prenatal which I love! Keep trying! And let me know when you get pregnant. I’ll be so excited for you!
Mar 01, 2018 @ 15:57:39
I will!
Mar 22, 2018 @ 12:29:39
I am curious about a surprise pregnancy ending in miscarriage with no intention on another pregnancy? What would be the meaning behind that if the spirit will never come forth? I feel like this was more about releasing that phase in my life…is that possible?
Mar 22, 2018 @ 12:43:26
Dear Sister, Such an insightful question, and honestly, one I’ve not received before. But yes, I will validate your feelings that this was a release, even possibly karmic clearing with a soul in a previous life. So much LOVE, Kate