The Magic of Miscarriage

*** This post was originally written for my Magical Monday column on***



Let’s be frank: miscarriages SUCK. It’s a time of lost-dreams, secret grief, confusion and guilt. Every one of us who suffers a loss questions, at least for a moment, if it was due to something we did or didn’t do. Most of us have already formed a bond and an internal relationship with the baby ~ and indeed a miscarriage feels like we are losing a most sacred and beautiful part of ourselves. We have to readjust our minds around the due dates and the dreams. And often we’re stuck with a body that still feels slightly pregnant, so we can’t even easily erase the pain of our loss. There’s NOTHING easy about miscarriages.

But….there just might be some magic behind them. Some magic that can bring us comfort and even hope during this most difficult time. There are a few things the Spirit Baby Realm want us all to know about miscarriage and here they are:

* In almost all cases of miscarriage (or abortion or stillborns) the soul that we lost WILL COME BACK TO US in a subsequent pregnancy. Of course it’s up to us to create the circumstances for that pregnancy, but if we are willing to try again, that soul that we had already bonded to WILL COME BACK. I felt this so strongly when I was pregnant with my first son, Finn. I’d had two miscarriages before and it was so obvious to me that the soul of my baby was the same energy each time. When this was confirmed for me when reading the book “Baby Catcher” by Peggy Vincent, I was overcome with joy and filled with such comfort. The babies DO come back. We can and will meet our lost babies again.

* It’s not our fault. We don’t have miscarriages because of something we ate or because of that wine we had a dinner (though I remember that on the day I miscarried for the first time I’d eaten raw sprouts on a sandwich and to this day I still won’t eat them). Even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time and we may never fully understand the reasons, the miscarriage is something we chose to experience (along with our baby) before we came to the Earth plane.  Perhaps we needed the miscarriage experience to learn certain lessons or to clear karma ~ and perhaps our baby needed the experience too. Finn, at age 8, tells me matter-of-factly the reasons he went away  and came back before finally staying for good. It’s no one’s fault, it’s something we and our babies agreed upon while planning out our lifetimes.

* Miscarriage can intensify prebirth communication. It was after my first miscarriage that my experiences with prebirth communication really kicked in. I believe it was due to the fact that my yearning was so strong and so raw ~ and that intense yearning opened me up to the world of signs and dreams and communication with my lost baby. I also so badly wanted to BELIEVE in the signs and dreams I was having, so I had faith that the communication I was having was indeed the real thing. That’s really all we need to experience strong prebirth communication ~ the yearning for a baby and a belief in the signs we are receiving.  My beautiful first experiences with prebirth communication were such a balm to my soul and gave me such hope and comfort. The signs were a promise from my baby that he indeed would return.

* Miscarriages carry with them hidden gifts. The obvious gift I received from my miscarriages was the ability for prebirth communication. My miscarriages opened up a whole new realm for me. But there were other gifts that came with them too. Even though I’d lost grandparents and dear family pets, my miscarriages carried me to a whole new level of grief and mourning. Even though it certainly didn’t feel like a gift at the time, my miscarriages taught me how to empathize and gracefully interact with others who are grieving. Before my miscarriages, I felt so awkward and clumsy around someone who was suffering a loss and I KNOW I said or did the wrong things. Having suffered intense grief myself, I now know how to respond to grief ~ you don’t tip-toe around it, you don’t avoid certain words, and you certainly don’t ignore it. You ask if they want to talk about it (yes, we NEED to talk about our grief!) and you offer them the help of watching their kids or making them dinner (offering a specific task, I find, is a lot better than the open-ended “let me know if I can do anything for you”).  Knowing what to say to someone who is grieving is a tremendous relief from the clumsy, fumbling role I used to play…and I owe it to my miscarriages. Miscarriages also make us stronger, more resilient and really make us reorganize our priorities. It may also make us (and our partners) really realize how much we DO want a baby. Yes, there are many hidden gifts.

Even though I’ve been known to tear up just talking about them years later, I don’t look at my 2 miscarriages as tragedies that define me. I look at them as life experiences that have helped shaped me into the person I am today.

Miscarriages will never be easy, but if we can eliminate the guilt and confusion around them while knowing that our babies are still close to us, wanting to communicate AND wanting to return…well, that does feel like a little bit of magic, doesn’t it? ♥

For more info check out the “Miscarriage” page.