The Calm (Baby) After the Storm…(Adventures in Colic Part 4)

The day I wrote my “Wise Cheerleader: Adventures in Colic Part 3” post…Kai stopped crying. Just like that.

That was exactly a month ago and I still vividly remember watching him sleep that first calm day. He looked more in his body, definitely more settled. The change was dramatic and palpable. After two episodes of non-stop crying ~ one that lasted 10 days, and one that lasted 9 ~ he was done. And that was it.

I didn’t feel the overwhelming relief I did the first time he stopped crying (perhaps because I knew it could return). What I felt was a quiet acceptance and even a satisfied-expectation. It just felt right ~ like “of course he’s done.”

Today he is almost 11 weeks old and he’s now the happy, happy baby he “told” me he was. He’s even becoming, dare I say….easy. 

We’re in baby bliss mode and it feels absolutely scrumptious. And even though those 19 days were so, so, so hard, I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

Those 19 days taught me more about unconditional love.

They taught me SO MUCH MORE about the art of allowing.

They taught me how to listen to my baby (and how much they REALLY CAN communicate with us if we just tune in).

And most of all they showed me my strength as a Mother. The last 7 days of constant crying, even though I was exhausted, I felt empowered. And I felt strongly, STRONGLY bonded to my incredibly brave, wise, crying baby.

As a mother who used to do EVERYTHING to keep her babies from crying, I learned that sometimes the ONLY thing you can do (if you’ve already done everything else) is to ALLOW them to cry ~ and provide them warm arms and a safe environment to work it all out.

I’ll never be able to thank my Baby Kai enough for taking me on this journey with him.

He’s been a surprise since the beginning ~ and I can’t wait to see what else he has in store.

Kai, the Diamond in My Sky!

From Weepy Mama to Wise Cheerleader…(Adventures in Colic Part 3)

Seven days ago I had an epiphany ~ or a series of them to be more exact.

It all started with an incredibly HARROWING day where I cried every time Kai did ~ so much so that when I looked in the mirror my eyes were all red, puffy, and swollen. I was doing everything I could to find out WHY Kai was crying, so that I could try to help him ~ a trip to the doctor, endless internet searches, and even 2 trips to psychics! No one could tell me definitively WHY my baby was crying, therefore I didn’t know how to help him.

That harrowing day I went to bed heart-broken with my swollen eyes, not knowing how to help my crying, hurting, beautiful baby boy. I begged to my higher self  in the dark”I just want to feel GOOD without having to change Kai ~ HOW can I do that?”

Then I woke up at 1:00 am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I thought maybe I’d do more internet searches or maybe write in my journal. Instead Kai moved around restlessly in between the states of wakefulness and sleeping, so I picked him up and rocked him… and then decided to ask HIM why he was crying.

Soon what I felt coming from him were the words “Mama, I’m actually a happy baby. And I’m very healthy, as you’ve always known. This is just something I have to energetically get through ~ and once I do, I’ll be just fine. Trust me, trust me, trust me.” And as I hugged him and rocked  him I felt waves of energy coming over us and I said “I believe you, I believe you, I believe you!” It was so moving, I got teary (again).

The next day my dear friend, Marcia, came over to do some cranial-sacral-therapy on Kai. She’s so wonderful at what she does, and it was incredibly magical watching Kai allow her to do this work on him. I held the space for all of us and focused my energy on Kai. After the session (and without knowing about my conversation with my baby the night before) Marcia told me that Kai spoke to her, saying that” he’s actually a very happy and very healthy baby, that he’s working through some energy and he’ll be just fine”. I was overcome to hear these same words come from her mouth that I had intuited just a few short hours before ~ I was giddy with the validation.

Later when Kai awoke from his nap, he immediately started crying so I took him the bath. While in the bath, I heard the words “His transition was so fast, he’s having trouble coming into his physical body. But he’s fast-tracking this and it’ll be over soon. Just allow this and support him. The more you LET him cry, the faster he’ll move through this.” This really was an incredible paradigm shift. I had been spending all my time trying to distract, stifle, and stop the crying…I had NEVER thought to ALLOW it. NEVER!

More waves of energy came over me and I decided I would be Kai’s cheerleader. With this new information and perspective I KNEW how to help him ~ by ALLOWING. So, the rest of our bath I cheered him on. With each big cry I’d say something like “That was a good one!” or “You’re doing it, Kai,” or “Good for you, Baby” and OH! HOW THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING!!!!  I felt EMPOWERED!

Kai cried for an hour in the bath, and the rest of the evening he was peaceful. And so was I.

I told my family what our new strategy should be and they were eager to help. Each time Kai cried we’d gently cheer him on, while holding him and surrounding him with love. And you know what happened? I got my family back.

My husband and I felt connected again, as a team.

My children came around to see Kai, even when he was crying, to say hi to kiss him. (I thought they were staying away from Kai because of the crying, but they were staying away because of MY REACTION to his crying.)

We were laughing again.

There was peace…even amongst the crying. We had found a way to be BLISSFUL with colic ~ by ALLOWING it.

Now, I’d like to wrap this little story up in a bow and say that we lived happily ever after ~ or even that Kai stopped crying soon after. But life isn’t quite like that, is it? This was 7 days ago. My cheerleader lasted 5 days, and then took a day off yesterday.

From Monday to Wednesday Kai cried worse than he ever has, getting red marks around his eyes. I didn’t see his smile or dimples for 48 hours.

But today I’m hopeful again. Today I’m cheerleader again. And maybe that’s how it’ll be ~ a few days of grace followed by moments of tears. But today…today is a good day.

 

When Kai is Crying… (Adventures in Colic Part 2)

When Kai is happy my family is in a GOOD place.  I thrive as the mother of three boys and watch my husband do the same as a father.

When Kai is happy we both feel that the third child is the easiest, smoothest, and even most magical transition of all our babies.

When Kai is happy we take pictures at every opportunity. My bigger boys so look forward to Kai waking up so they can “see his eyes” and take turns holding him.

When Kai is happy my world feels steeped in magic.

When Kai is happy it is precious and beautiful.

But…

When Kai is crying my boys stay away.

When Kai is crying we all pray for him to keep sleeping because when he wakes up he’s either screaming or we’re waiting in morbid anticipation of the screaming.

When Kai is crying my husband and I take turns losing it and holding each other up. My boys take turns worrying.

When Kai is crying there are definitely NO photo ops.

When Kai is crying I feel like I’m neglecting my other children and our family is falling apart.

When Kai is crying I mostly hole myself up in the bedroom with him, not wanting witnesses to my personal hell.

When Kai is crying I often cry with him.

And yet sometimes….

When Kai is crying I can support him gracefully as he works through it.

When Kai is crying I can smother his face in kisses and tell him over and over again how loved he is.

When Kai is crying I can look past the tears and see his Divinity.

When Kai is crying I can cling to him and love him fiercely.

When Kai is crying I can tell myself (and him) that it’s only temporary and he’ll feel better soon.

When Kai is crying I can fully realize the strength and grace of MYSELF as a Mother.

And mostly…

When Kai is crying I know there are higher reasons for this happening ~ that it’s something he (and we) have to go through and that we’ll all come out better, brighter and more beautiful than ever on the other side….

I love you, Kai…fiercely.